The longer a doctor is in practice, the more dramatic events he will encounter. Doctors will be most traumatized by the death of their friends, relatives and acquaintances.
February 2010, my friend lost his dear wife of fifty years. He sent me an email: “My life partner had departed. Fortunately, she did not die of a painful death though she had extensive metastases.” I felt guilty because I felt that I had not played my part well. I wanted to pay my last respect to her wife but he did not agree. Instead he comforted me and said, “You had helped her a lot. She had left in peace and with dignity. Though I am very sad I am very thankful to you!”
I can understand his feelings. He and his wife was a very much respected scientist couple. They were in their eighty’s. He is a fellow member of the Chinese Academy of Sciences and a professor in a university. His wife was also a professor. A year ago, the vice chancellor of his university requested me to persuade them to move into a "Fellow-Class" housing unit. However, they did not accept the offer, and instead he insisted to live in their present house, which was an ordinary house of less than 100 square meters. The reason was his wife liked it better. Even though the university could send some men to help in the daily chore and their daughter was the CEO of a listed company, he still insisted to do the house chore and cooking for his wife.
I recall one morning in April 2008; he came to my office bringing along his wife’s CT films. His wife was suffering from uterine cancer which recurred six months after surgery. She went for chemotherapy in a hospital in Shanghai for a total of six times within five month’s duration. However, there were metastases of the liver, lungs, abdomen, neck and armpit. I admitted her into our hospital. Because she had just been given abdominal surgery for intestinal obstruction due to abdominal metastasis and the chemotherapy-induced cytopenia had not yet been corrected, she was very weak, unable to eat anything, and vomited frequently. We gave her supportive treatment, and then percutaneous cryosurgical ablation for the liver and lung metastases and combined immunotherapy.
After the wife was discharged and went back to Shenzhen, their family and our family had met over meal in a restaurant. His wife was present and she looked well and was in good spirit. As they conversed in Shanghai dialect on everyday matters, I prayed silently that the two of them would continue to live together happily for many years to come. I visited them in their house once. I also requested a student of mine working in Shenzhen to visit them once every one to two weeks. My student told me that the wife was well and each visit lasted an hour or two. Unexpectedly, her condition deteriorated. Cancer is definitely merciless and there is not much doctors can do. I felt guilty and was very distressed and agonized by her death.